While most people can’t relate why this is such a big deal, for bloggers like me, it such a big accomplishment. After all, these followers were product of hard work (lots of it). Countless hours spent preparing what to post, photo editing, interacting to complete strangers whom I share the same interests – food allergies, asthma, eczema, healthy living, kids, working from home, etc.
Don’t get me wrong, this blog and you my beloved followers (I consider you all as my friends) give me so much joy. I love sharing my latest food allergy friendly finds, recipes that my family enjoyed, writing about our experiences and hearing your questions and stories. This community has made our extraordinary situation seemed “normal”.
Why then am I not doing some major shout outs and online happy dances?
Well, with tons of courage, I’m confessing that I’ve been extremely overwhelmed these past weeks. After dealing with the children’s food and environmental allergies for over five years, I now feel exhausted.
I’m tired of:
- being nervous every time I see the school’s number calling me.
- panicking whenever I hear Child#3 cough, seeing Child#1 scratch her skin or Child#2 taking deep breaths.
- scheduling appointments to the pediatrician, allergist, gastroenterologist and going to emergency facilities.
- making a grocery budget which I never seem to follow.
- thinking or answering if this child can eat this or not.
- paying for medical expenses.
- feeling guilty every time I crave or eat something my children are allergic to.
- putting a happy face every time a child say, “When I outgrow this allergy, that will be the first thing I will eat.”
- saying “No” to party invitations or events because I’m not comfortable if the place or host can accommodate the kids’ food restrictions.
- worrying every time the kids are not with me.
After my children were properly diagnosed with food allergies, I literally put my own life on hold – my business, personal goals and even quiet time. The kids became my top priority. Is there something wrong with that? I’m a mom after all.
Why then do feel that I’m just drifting through life?